things i think about whilst trying to sleep
I don’t like describing my sexuality as “gay”. I mentioned this in my whole “coming out as genderqueer" post; it feels too binary and masculine, too hetero- and cisnormative. To describe myself as "gay" immediately feels like I’m saying "I am a man who likes men". Not only is that inaccurate, but it’s restricting too. I am more than "just" a man who likes more than just men, or those whom society deems men.
I somewhat like the term “faggot” because it has that strong sense of femininity in it. People (including many a gay man) call someone “faggot” when they try to demean them because of the feminine or non-masculine flavour the word carries. To apply femininity to a male-presenting person is to demean them - or so our society has decided. And for that reason alone I like the word faggot - because they think they’re insulting me, when in reality they’re paying me a huge compliment: my rejection of masculine norms is being noticed, and that makes me happy. (But I’ll still tell them to fuck off).
I also like the word “queer”, because for me, inherent in that word is a rejection of hetero- and cisnormativity. You can be gay or lesbian or bisexual and still not be queer because you still live and think in heteronormative and cisnormative ways. A lot of the gay men I’ve known have been very, very unqueer.
But the real issue I’m facing is not how to describe myself to people who are going to read this, because pretty much all of you get what I’m talking about. No, it’s rather how to come out to people I don’t know. Do I come out as “gay” because even that identity is radical and mind-blowing for them? Or do I say, “I’m queer”. I’m still not sure.
I have a lot more to say about this, but it’s time to get ready for work so I’ll leave it here for now. I’m definitely interested in hearing other’s perspectives on this, especially on how you define these words and their corresponding identities for yourselves. What do you feel comfortable/uncomfortable with? Why do you identify the way that you do?